Today I slept in.
I snoozed my alarm and took a slow morning to myself.
This meant I had to cancel my morning activities – a yoga class which I love to take, spending quality time carpooling with my husband, to name a few. I sat in bed when my alarm went off and weighed the pros and cons of starting my day now or getting another hour of rest.
I chose rest.
I find that I ride the line between choosing action and choosing rest a lot. In my Sabbatical, I really learned to embrace rest, and have since come to love it, cherishing it more than any activity or accomplishment. This way of thinking is a pendulum swing for me compared to the way I used to view rest. In college I learned about the disciplines of silence and solitude and could not understand why anyone would want to practice them. I thought to myself, “God did not wire me for that.” And for a while, I thought that was true. For a season, I was not wired to rest. I worked hard and often, connecting with people and using the energy of my body and soul to do a lot. But it was just for a season. It was not a sustainable pace forever.
As I began to lean into rest more, I found that it was difficult for me to understand the purpose of it. I didn’t really know how to rest, whereas I knew how to go, go, go. I had a good reason for production and performance, but understanding the purpose of rest did not come to me as naturally. I had to learn the skill of resting. I first had to give it a purpose; in my mind there needed to be a good reason to sleep in, and actually getting more sleep was not on that list.
I understood Sabbath and had practiced Sabbath well for many years before my Sabbatical. But in this season of rest, nearly six months of just living life as I was called to in that time, learning, growing, nourishing my mind, body, and soul, focusing on my lifestyle, my relationships, and abiding in God, I now have a new love and respect for rest in my life. I now love silence. I now understand and appreciate solitude.
One of the main lessons I learned in my Sabbatical that helped this change is that the pace of the kingdom of God is unusual. The speed is different from what I was used to, even with a weekly Sabbath. The currency in this kingdom is different from what I was familiar with. Success in this kingdom is not equal to success in the world I’ve known. This kingdom is full of rest and withdrawal – Jesus was actively resting, fasting, praying, and sleeping on mountains, gardens, boats, and in the wilderness more than he was healing, teaching, leading, or ministering. This kingdom values rest.
Coming out of Sabbatical and back into “the real world” has been sobering. I miss the days when I would wake up, commune with God, walk on the beach, and have no responsibilities outside of my home. I miss the days when I could design my life, making my lifestyle match my values, and meeting my own needs with no guilt or time constraints. But heading back into society has been so healthy for me, too. It has helped me to clarify my purpose and make sense of my work. It has helped me to be compassionate toward others. And the lessons I learned during my Sabbatical are coming with me.
Today I slept in. I’ll do it again when I need to. I am a better person when I honor my limits. Because in this kingdom, when I am weak, then I am strong.
