Today I can’t.
These are words I have found myself saying often in the past few months.
My husband and I have been living in a transitional time since October. We hoped and expected this season to be shorter–we thought by January we’d have a clear next step. Nearly seven months later, we finally do! More on that in a moment.
As this transition time has lingered and stretched, the words, “I can’t” have left my mouth more and more.
- “I can’t give you an answer on that yet”
- “I can’t even think about that today”
- “I can’t commit to that right now”
I’ve said these words not because I don’t want to do the thing I’m saying no to. Trust me–I have no issue saying “no” when I don’t want to do something!
Instead, this has been based on my energy. My mental load. Not ability, but capacity.
Because living in transition takes a lot of energy. Waking up every day not knowing where we’ll move to next, when we’ll move there, what job my husband will work… That’s a lot of the significant parts of life to not know about. These things take up more space in my mind than I would like them to, leaving less space for things that I may usually be able to hold. I could go on and on about what thoughts have run through my mind each day in the past few months, but if you’ve ever lived through a time of significant transition–no matter how short or long it was–you know the effect it has.
Gratefully, our season of transition is coming to an end! Matt accepted a new job in Charlotte, North Carolina and we move there in May.
Does that mean my energy is back-to-normal? Unfortunately, not yet. The space that was taken up with not knowing what’s next is now filled with moving to-dos. I still find myself saying “I can’t” but with much more excitement.
I don’t have much advice for you today, certainly not anything that’s new. And transitions are not uncommon; all of us could probably write about what we’ve learned or experienced through a major transition.
Instead I’ll just say this: it’s okay if you’re not operating at 100% at all times. In fact, it’s probably better that way. Because saying “I can’t” in this context means you understand your limits. It means you know you need other people. It means you recognize you can’t control everyone and everything around you. And, perhaps more than anything else, it develops empathy.
“I can’t” might actually be a really powerful statement about who you believe yourself to be.
When was the last time you said these words? We often think this when we doubt ourselves; which is an equally important thing to recognize. It doesn’t fit the context I’m talking about here, but it does reveal what you believe about yourself. If you find yourself here, you may need to begin saying “I can” more instead.
Today I can’t. But tomorrow, I can.